That thing where I need to be perfect, a rant by me

I was doing that thing again. The thing where I have a bad practice and convince myself that I should give up because I am not good enough! See that's funny because I am good enough. The only bar that has been set is the one that has been set by me.
Now there is something to be said for setting goals, and respecting yourself enough to learn and grow. I am not talking about that. I am talking about feeling like you don't measure up when there is nothing to measure up to. I am trying really, really hard to break away from this.
In one respect, I am lucky to live in my little patch of cow pasture. I don't get gigs (there are none, its not that I am not getting any, there are ZERO) and so I have very few goal markers set for me by anyone other than myself and my teacher. I do dance in shows when I travel and I teach but I feel my growth and ability are on par with that. But sometimes I get that thing where I must be "the best dance in all the world" by last Wednesday. It is so defeating. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Anyway, I was having one of these and I had a "come to Jesus meeting" (Southern expression, no actual Jesus involved) with myself. Here is the thing. I am the only one who cares about what level I am dancing at. I could quit dancing tomorrow and honestly, no one would really notice. Most of my friends and family have never seen me dance. Again, it is not a part of my livelihood. So, I ask myself. "Why am I doing this?" The answer is, because I want to and I love it. So what does it matter if I am progressing slowly or it takes me six months to get a certain concept? It doesn't. If that is how hard I have to work then so be it. What if I get sick like I did in the spring and fall behind for months? Then that is okay.
I respect myself and my art enough to be continually learning and working. I respect my teacher so I will do the homework and tasks he gives to the best of my ability. But if it is hard for me, and if I have to work a long time or if for some reason other aspects of my life get in the way? Okay.


Also. this video from Nadirah Jamal could not have come at a better time. Not only will I be okay with where my dance journey is taking me (regardless of the pace), I will also celebrate the goals I do achieve not just lament the ones I don't.

What you get out of a workshop

I often tell of how as a beginning dancer I only wanted workshop with choreography. Not combos but full out choreography, because then I felt I had something I can use. This is extra funny since I don't think I ever once used one of these choreographies until I pulled out two 4 year old workshop notes recently.
Now I find it is the opposite. Unless I am studying with someone who is truly a master of choreography like Yousry Sharif then I am not interested in it. I want technique, history, methodology, and anything else that will advance my dancing be it improv or choreography.
But then the question becomes, when do we use this? Is it a waste if you spend $200 and two days of your time on a workshop and don't come home dancing like the instructor or growing your own dancing in leaps and bounds.
I think of each class, each workshop, each instructor, and each topic like a drop in a bucket. The bucket is all the things you have at your disposal when you dance. Each workshop may only add one new drop or it may add a spoonful, either way every drop is worth something. As our buckets fill so we grow as dancers, teachers and performers.
I never feel like I need to remember or assimilate everything I learn, just add a few drops here and there. It makes learning more fun and it makes me want to travel around and get splash or new ideas from here, there and everywhere.

A case for improv

I am always reading discussion board threads on improv versus choreography. 


In my earlier dance days I preferred choreography and only choreography. Improv was a scary thing in which you were forced to think and dance at the same time and I was so sure that I was being judged as well. My fear came from thinking that I would do the same thing over and over or not be able to come up with a move that fit the music.


Now things are quite reversed. Choreography is still good. It is great for group performances and I have also learned some incredible choregraphies from master instructors that far surpass my own improvisational and choreographing abilities. It is very inspirational and challenging to dance these pieces and I do enjoy it. 


But when it comes to what I want to dance, the answer is improv. I don't mind improvising to live musicians, and I think that musicians and a dancer all improving is a particularly organic piece of composition. I prefer to improvise to music I am intimately familiar with because that is generally the music that moves me in an emotional way that I wish to translate into dance. I like to be moved and then do what moves me.


So, how did I develop this love of improv and how can you?


I had an instructor that really encouraged improv and would give us time at the end of class to just dance. She even turned the lights down so we wouldn't feel self conscious about seeing each other. I encourage my students to improv and do this same thing. I also use games to help build on their improvisational skills. Taaj's book 

Beyond Moves is a great resource for games and ideas to help introduce improv to your students (and yourself, even if you don't teach I recommend getting this book and working through it).

The other thing that helps you get comfortable with improv - Just do it! Below are a few ideas for when and where to improv, please feel free to add more in the comments.

1. If you perform at a community event, take the time to get the crowd to dance with you. You are still doing improv but there is less pressure when a 5 year old is shaking it with you.

2. Put on your music and dance around the house while you clean.

3. Set a time limit. Put music on and dance. For a surprise improv set, I like to set a kitchen timer then put my iPod on shuffle.

4. Dance for your friends and family.

5. Host a hafla with your dance friends. Just do a casual get together, no frills, no costumes, just fun and dancing.

6. Go to a venue with music and dancing and joining the crowd on the dance floor. I used to frequent a Hookah Bar where everyone danced between the performer's sets. Getting up with the crowd or a couple friends and dancing is really what made me comfortable with improv.